(A political satire by Devendra Narain)
Rahul Gandhi challenged Prime Minister Modi and started a ‘MeToo’ movement in Indian politics
Yes, MeToo chasing Prime Minister Modi. But hold on. If you are a supporter of Rahul Baba, do not get excited that you have got one more stick to beat Narendra Modi with. If you are a Modi fan, do not get angry that somebody is making baseless and malicious allegations against your hero.
True, we are living in a ‘MeToo’ era but here I am not referring to the film world #MeToo. Anxious to achieve life’s ultimate goal, the prime ministerial aspirants have launched their own ‘MeToo’ movement to challenge Modi as well as their own rivals in yet to be formed Mahagathbandhan (Grand Alliance) of their parties.
The movement started when, during an election rally in Chhattisgarh on November 17, Rahul Baba openly challenged “Modi Ji to come on stage anywhere, anytime and debate over Rafale with me for just 15 minutes. I will talk about Anil Ambani, HAL, French President’s statements and the pricing of the jets. I will say that Defence Minister said clearly that it’s Prime Minister who did it. The Prime Minister did not follow the procedure. The CBI Director was removed at 2 am. He will not be able to answer my questions.”
Before I draw your attention to the progress of the movement, I would like to share with you a part of Rahul Baba’s childhood which the dynasty kept as a closely guarded secret.
After the birth of Rahul, an extremely happy mother thanked God for the blessing: ‘For the son, you have given, Thank You God.’ (This thanksgiving is not the closely guarded secret.) She also prayed God for his mercies on her son: ‘May my son be the wisest, the strongest and the most courageous leader, the successor to the throne of the Gandhi-Nehru dynasty and the Prime Minister of this country, for it is You, Lord, our God, who goes with him. You will never leave him or forsake him. O Lord, remove all hurdles from his path.’
God appreciated her thanks and her prayer (perhaps to the extent feasible). He started removing the hurdles, one by one. The mother, on her part, made arrangements for proper training of the son. Incidentally, she believes in the ‘rule of primogeniture’ under which even if the son of a dynasty is younger than his sister, he (the son) has a right to sit on the throne.
She hired a nanny well versed in English as well as Hindi. She told the nanny that Rahul Baba should be made to look the wisest man not only in the party but also in the entire country.
Naturally, the nanny felt very important that she had been given the task to train the future ruler of India. She took her job very seriously. She remembered by heart several stories she had read about wise men. She started telling those stories to the royal child. As you know, many children develop a liking for particular stories. Younger Rahul Baba also liked one particular story that he wanted to hear again and again. With renewed enthusiasm, the nanny would tell him the story all over again.
Once upon a time, there lived a wise man in a village. He was very rich. With wealth and wisdom, he had become very powerful. With age, the courage as well as wisdom increased. To show his wisdom and courage, he would often throw an open challenge to his rivals. One day he challenged anyone to prove that ‘2+ 2 is equal to 4’. He also announced that if anyone could prove that, he would give the winner half of his property. His wife got worried. She told him, ‘What are you doing? Even a child can prove that.’ The wise man smiled and assured her, ‘Don’t worry. Nobody will be able to prove because being the wisest man of the village, I will never accept the proof.’
The story left permanent impact on Rahul Baba’s mind. He knew that he was capable of defeating any rival in any debate on any subject. From time to time, his mother also contributed her bit to the training to make her darling son the wisest, the strongest and the most courageous politician in India. He himself read several stories in books and magazines for children.
Rahul Baba reading a magazine to acquire knowledge and wisdom
Gradually, God removed all the hurdles to make Rahul Baba successor to the throne of the dynasty. At the appropriate time, the mother announced his coronation, a news that was widely cheered by the supporters of whatever was left of the Congress party. The coronation was celebrated all over the country, and perhaps also in a few countries abroad. Now, God has to fulfil only one wish, to make Rahul Prime Minister of India. This prayer is still pending. The mother is happy that, thanks to her hard work and prayers, Rahul Baba has come up to her expectations, ready to take on anyone.
Well, now you know why Rahul Baba has given the open challenge to Narendra Modi.
Unfortunately for him, by throwing such a challenge, he has unconsciously started a movement which many rushed to join.
The first to follow Rahul Baba was P. Chidambaram. When he heard of the challenge, he was not happy that Rahul, who, in his opinion would not and should not become Prime Minister, had taken the lead. He regretted why the idea did not occur to him. After all, he’s more intelligent and senior. Anyway, better late than never. He too decided to challenge Modi. He tweeted, ‘Mr. Modi, spare just 15 minutes. I will prove that my son Karthik and I are absolutely honest and that we have made fortune through means which are fair and acceptable in India. I challenge, you will not be able to disprove me.’
MeToo. Tejaswi Yadav after dad’s instruction
From his sickbed in a Ranchi hospital, Lalu Yadav told his son to challenge Modi. The loyal son, another prime ministerial aspirant, immediately shot an email to the PMO. ‘Modiji, I challenge you to debate on corruption in India. Just in 15 minutes, I will prove that my father is a very honest person and all our assets have been acquired with our wisdom and God’s blessings. If anybody is corrupt, it is you. You will not be able to face me even for 10 minutes.’
From the neighbouring Uttar Pradesh, at a public rally, Mayawati, read out from a piece of paper: ‘Minorities, Dalits, OBCs, Brahmins and other upper castes are not safe under Modi. To give an opportunity to defend himself, I challenge him for a debate for 15 minutes. I’m sure he will run away before the 15th minute is over.’
Mamata Banerjee thundered from a public platform in Calcutta. ‘Modi is corrupt. I challenge him to debate with me for only 15 minutes. I will prove that I am the most honest politician and he is the most corrupt. He will run away after 10 minute.’
When so many prime ministerial aspirants were challenging Modi, how can Arvind Kejriwal keep quiet? He has convinced himself that he is the most qualified person to be the Prime Minister of India, whereas Narendra Modi is least qualified. He tweeted, ‘Modiji, I challenge you to a public debate for 15 minutes. I will prove that you have done nothing for Delhi, whereas I have done what no Chief Minister in the country has been able to do. I’m sure, you will have no words to defend yourself.’ After a few minutes, he tweeted again, ‘You were lucky that I lost the election to the Lok Sabha in 2014. I will contest against you again in 2019, and you will see how I vanquish you.’
When Chandrababu Naidu heard about all these challenges, he became worried. He has been trying hard to be once again convener of a grand alliance. This time his goal is much higher. He wants to move his residence to 7, Lok Kalyan Marg, the official residence of the Prime Minister of India. He sent an urgent email to Modi. ‘I challenge you to hold a public debate on the federal structure of India. I will tell the whole world that you are the biggest enemy of the federal structure of the country. I am sure, you will have no defence.’
I believe in slitting enemy’s throat
When Rabri Devi learnt that Modi did not bother to respond to her son’s challenge, she got wild. She called a press conference and told the media ‘How dare he ignore my son, the former Deputy Chief Minister of Bihar? I, a former Chief Minister of Bihar, challenge him to face me. I don’t believe in debates. I believe in slitting enemy’s throat.’
Many mor leaders, including Akhilesh Yadav, Sharad Pawar and Uddhav Thackeray have also sent or are in the process of sending emails or treating their challenge.
Meanwhile, it is learnt that several Congress leaders, including former Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh, Kapil Sibal, Ghulam Nabi Azad and Digvijay Singh are working under the guidance of Sonia Gandhi, Priyanka Vadra, Robert Vadra and their children to prepare Rahul Baba for the debate.
November 21, 2018